Just Married
by Extra Sugar Please
Summary: Of all the missions they have received, this one seemed to have touched the most nerves for Skulduggery and Valkyrie, or shall we now say...Mr. and Mrs. McGrath.
1. I Now Pronounce You

**A/N:  
WARNINGS (PLEASE READ):** This fanfiction is **RATED MATURE** for sexual intercourse, language, and violence. If you do not wish to view any of those aforementioned elements, please click away otherwise this will not be a Pleasant (pun intended) experience for you. This and the "Rated: M" is the only warning you will get. There will be no authors notes at the beginning of a chapter saying "I foresee some horizontal tangoing in your reading future" or (even worse) smack dab in the middle of a chapter right before something is about to happen, an author's note saying "It's about to get Bow Chicka Wow Wow all up in here" Please take heed to this warning and proceed with caution.  
Secondly, this is Valduggery based. Don't like this pairing, don't read this story. It's that simple.  
Thirdly, this takes place sometime after Death Bringer, so spoilers are sure to be in order. Once again, proceed with caution with that knowledge in mind.  
Finally, I am American (to all those wondering non-Americans yes, Cheeseburgers are the only food in my diet and I have a shotgun on me at all times) the reason I felt the need to bring this up is because Skulduggery Pleasant was published and takes place in Ireland, so there are going to be certain words/references that I might use that you may not understand, or a lack of words/references that you would normally use that I do not. I apologize ahead of time for these occurrences and highly suggest the Google machine as a cure. Alas, nothing can be done about my Nationality.  
**What I hope to accomplish with this story: **I really just want this story to encourage Skulduggery Pleasant fans (not just Valduggery, but more of them would be nice too;) to come out of the dark and get bitten by the inspiration bug and start writing! Quite frankly, this series doesn't have enough fanfics, which greatly surprises me because the series is phenomenal.  
Also, do I wish for Derek Landy to see this?...Mmm probably better if he didn't, I'd hate to face his wrath if he found out what I was using his main characters for *nervous laughter* But then again, he asked for it when he wrote the series, knowing well of the crazy fics that would pop up.  
**Anti-Valduggery People:** To the trolls that hate this "necrophilic" ship that have decided to ignore the warnings, read this story anyway, and mindlessly flame me for it later (I know you are out there, I'm no fool) I would just like to let you know of one thing: I am a generous person, and as such I give out many things (money for charity, presents on Christmas, people the time of day) and FUCKS are not one of those things.  
**Disclaimer:** Settings and characters from the Skulduggery Pleasant series were created and are owned by Derek Landy. OCs and original settings, as well as the plot of this story belong to me, Gouvernement Talonneur.  
AND NOW! Without further ado…

* * *

A shrill baby's cry cut through the silence and stillness of the night. Actually, it was just the wee hours of the morning, but none the less Valkyrie Cain was supposed to be sound asleep. The tired teenager irately pulled her bed comforter over her head in a fruitless attempt to block out the infant's wailing. No such luck. She then tried smushing her pillow over her face and ears. But this was also to no avail.

Valkyrie angrily threw off her covers and marched down the hallway towards her baby sister Alice's room, hissing in pain as she stubbed her toe on the doorframe in the doorway.

_I swear this baby thinks that if she can't get some sleep, then nobody can_ She thought as she opened the door to the nursery. She figured that maybe she could calm Alice down with a short lullaby and a quick rock in the rocking chair that sat in the corner of the room. She found her parents, Desmond and Melissa Edgely, had already beaten her to it, standing over the baby's crib and softly shushing the upset child. Alice had apparently found this calming enough, and was soon drifting back into a deep and peaceful sleep.

"What's going on?" Valkyrie asked in a voice still raspy from sleep. She wearily rubbed her eyes as they adjusted to the fairly bright night light that lit up the nursery. She took note that both of her parents were fully dressed, as well as garmented in overcoats and scarfs, and had a few, obviously very tightly packed, suitcases sitting at their feet.

Melissa Edgely turned her head at the sound of her daughter's voice.

"Stephanie! Oh, sorry to wake you. We were just getting ready to leave for the airport when it seems Alice heard us." The mother whispered before turning back to the infant to tenderly stroke her head.

"Airport?" Valkyrie yawned and stretched up her arms. She sighed pleasurably as she worked out a few cricks in her spine.

"We're traveling to Oxford for my friend's son's wedding, remember? We won't be back until near the end of your winter break." Desmond said while re-tying the scarf around his neck for the fifth time to make sure it was just how he wanted it.

"Oh yeah, that Collin what's-his-face guy…that's tonight?" Valkyrie asked while scratching her chin absently. She tried to think back to when they had told her about this planned trip, but then shrugged it off when she couldn't recall, reasoning that she had more important things to remember. It was someone's job to keep track of the trips their parents did or did not take regarding a father's friend's son's wedding, and thankfully it was not hers. Luckily, her job involved working alongside a wise-cracking, egotistical, and powerful undead skeleton. Yes, Valkyrie's occupation was more along the lines of saving the world from the occasional impending doom and the defeating of weapons of mass destruction.

Talk about a dream job and she wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

"Well," Said her mother "Technically speaking the actual ceremony is Wednesday. But they wanted everybody arrived and checked into the hotel by noon today. Speaking of which is in..." Melissa pulled down her sleeve a bit and checked the time on her wristwatch. "10 hours! And we still have that hour and a half drive to the airport! Desmond we need to get going or we'll miss our flight!"

The couple picked up their bags, said one last goodbye to their sleeping Alice, and walked over to Valkyrie.

"Bye dear." Said Mrs. Edgely. She kissed her daughter's forehead. "We'll be back in a week. I know this is your Christmas break so you don't have to watch Alice the whole time, remember the Sitter's number is on the fridge."

"Have fun, be safe." Desmond wrapped his arm around Valkyrie's shoulder. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

Valkyrie gave her father a look.

"Okay, don't do anything I _would_ do. It could be hazardous to your health." He winked.

Valkyrie bid them both goodbye and wished them happy travels as she watched them walk down the stairs, heavy packs in tow. She waited in her spot on top of the staircase until she heard the opening and the closing of the front door. She then heard the distant sound of a car start and the said car drive off, the hum and gentle rumble of its engine slowly but surely getting quieter the more distance it gained until the noise was gone all together.

The Edgely household was once again covered in a thick sheet of silence.

Just the way Valkyrie liked it.

She checked in on her sleeping baby sister one last time, content in finding her sound asleep. The dark-haired girl trudged back to her bed, her feet dragging with each step. She could hear her bed practically calling her name, beckoning her to come and slumber in its pillowy confines. A tired (and somewhat loony) smile graced Valkyrie's lips as she reached the edge of her mattress.

"Here I am." She said with relief to her tempting Tempur-pedic. She then flopped down onto it, face first. And just as she was drifting off to the land where Sugarplums would dance in her head, a familiar shrill cry sounded, promptly cutting that wonderful sheet of silence in _half_.

Valkyrie whimpered as she got up once more.

Sugar plums were quickly replaced with a voice that sounded eerily like her own screaming, "Why me!?"

* * *

In front of the Edgely Household sat a 1954 Bentley R-Type Continental, in which a certain skeleton detective waited sitting on the leathery seats. From the moment he saw her walk out the front door Skulduggery could tell it was going to be one of those days. The way she yanked open the door (nearly ripping it off its hinges, he might add) and slammed it shut again, the force at which it was rudely closed caused the whole house to shudder. Thankfully, and much to Skulduggery's relief, she didn't open nor close the Bentley's door with nearly as much vigor. Valkyrie then proceeded to violently flop down onto the front seat and buckle herself in. Such abusive behavior at any other time would have least pulled a soft reminder to be gentle from his lips, but he preferred his skull to be attached to his neck and not bitten off by a moody seventeen year old.

What could be bothering her? Sure, Skulduggery wasn't too pleased to have gotten a call from Ghastly saying he and his partner were to be at the Sanctuary by 7 a.m. (and only a half hour early notice from the scheduled time too) and on a Saturday none the less. But this wouldn't be the first time it's happened, and all the other times Valkyrie didn't seem to be miffed by it.

The two drove in brooding silence towards Roarhaven. Throughout this time frame Skulduggery kept sneaking peeks at his suspiciously irritated partner. She looked positively livid. At this moment Valkyrie was equivalent to a two year old pouting in the corner because they didn't get to have any more cookies from the cookie jar, if not worse.

"So, uh…I noticed you came out the front door instead of the window, your parents gone?" Skulduggery tried. He had to be careful though; this was extremely thin ice he was tiptoeing on. And not just any ice at that, this was Valkyrie Cain Ice. From the soul of Darquesse herself.

"Mm." Came the Ice Queen's reply.

Oh, Skulduggery had learned this! This was Valkyrie-doesn't-want-to-talkanese! And according to his memorized VDWTT to English Dictionary, 'mm' meant she was confirming whatever he had previously asked. His memorization of this rare language had surprisingly come in handy a few times. Except 'mm' was the only word he actually knew…

"Alright, I'll bite. What's wrong? Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed or something?" Skulduggery had not expected her loud groan, and jumped, causing him to swerve a little into the other lane on the road.

"I _wish_ I had woken up on the wrong side of the bed. I wish I had woken up in a bed period! I've been up for nearly five hours,_ five hours_, Skulduggery!" Valkyrie jerked her chair back into a reclining position.

"Well you don't have to take it out on my baby you know." He grumbled, not at all pleased with the treatment of his one and only, rubbing the Bentley's dashboard tenderly.

"And _please_ never say the word 'baby' ever again." Her hands were now covering her eyes as if she were fighting off the world's worst migraine, which actually she probably was.

"Ooohhh, rough night with Alice, huh?" When the skeleton detective got no response from the girl next to him he knew he was right on target.

Then Skulduggery said, "You know I was watching a delightful movie just the other day that had this adorable little orphan girl with an afro singing about tomorrow and it really got me to thinking. Maybe I should adopt-"

"I'm just going to stop you right there and let you know that I'm aware of where you keep the extra gun hidden in this car."

And so with that Skulduggery zipped his metaphorical lip. They then soon arrived in a place where certainly no one would willingly venture if they could help it. Dead trees and an ominous fog welcomed them as they arrived in Roarhaven. The detectives pulled up to the Sanctuary and before they knew it were standing in front of the Elders themselves: Ghastly Bespoke, Erskine Ravel, and Madame Mist. They were in the room where they got their current run-of-the-mill case debriefing. The room was fairly large and was very much empty save for the official looking table and chairs that sat at the back of the room facing the door, and the occasional people that occupied it's vacancy from time to time.

"Look whose here, long time no see you guys!" Ghastly grinned from where he sat at the table. He tugged on the sleeve of his mandatory robe, obviously still not finding comfort in the required garment. He looked awkward just sitting there in the thing, though the front of the robe hugged his chiseled chest quite nicely, Valkyrie thought.

"Elder Bespoke, please! This is serious and official Sanctuary business!" Erskine scolded his fellow Elder, and then turned to look at the pair standing before him. "Skulduggery Pleasant and Valkyrie Cain, I presume?"

Skulduggery and Valkyrie exchanged puzzled glances, well; Valkyrie could tell Skulduggery's glance was puzzled, due to the degree at which the angle of his head was cocked. She really needed a hobby.

"I'm sorry, you meant Mr. Pleasant?" Skulduggery spoke up. "I thought you meant the other crime-fighting, talking, and handsome skeleton who wears a fedora. Which is me, the _other_ crime-fighting, talking, and handsome skeleton who wears a fedora."

Erskine's eye twitched with annoyance. "I was trying to be all official-like, the way a Grand Mage should be. You aren't helping my business image!"

Valkyrie's eyebrows rose in confusion. "That was your business image? I thought you just had a bad case of Indigestion."

"I hate you all." Muttered Erskine, resting his head in his hands.

"Are you two aware of the smuggling problem we've had as of late?" Madame Mist spoke from underneath her veil, cutting right to the chase.

Skulduggery nodded. "Ancient magic relics that are being stolen and sold on the Black Market?"

"That's right." Ghastly said. "Some of which still contain magical properties and if put into the wrong hands, or simply the hands of a mortal who somehow figures out how to use it, could create a problem."

Erskine now spoke up. "Fortunately we've captured the two most infamous and biggest smugglers in the area, Imelda and Grimm McGrath. When making the arrest, we intercepted an important note courtesy of the I.S.A."

"International Smuggler's Association." Madame Mist cut in. "As it turns out, the McGraths were planning on attending the I.S.A.C. this year, located at a rented out lodge that is only a four hour drive from this spot."

"Isaac?" Valkyrie questioned.

"I.S.A.C. International Smuggler's Association Convention." The only female Elder corrected.

"It's when the members of the Association get together once year at a designated spot to trade the pilfered items, form connections, exchange information, or simply visit." Skulduggery informed his younger partner.

"How oddly…uniform for criminals." Valkyrie observed. She looked at the Elders. "So where do we come in?"

"Right here." Ghastly said, crossing his arms across his chest. "We need you two to take the place of the McGraths, attend the I.S.A.C., and find out information and locations of the smuggling hideouts located in Ireland, and then report back to us. We'll have Cleavers on standby ready to infiltrate the lodge and make arrests. This means we'll also need blueprints of the area, showcasing all of the possible entrances and exits."

"Right, but I'm pretty sure Skulduggery and I look nothing like the McGraths."

"Conveniently, none of the smugglers know what they look like." Erskine stood up and folded his arms behind his back. "The two worked in secret, never coming out in public to make exchanges for security reasons, see where that got them. All their work was done via phone, internet, and mail, making it very easy for us to trace their location."

Ghastly smiled. "So you see, it'll be very easy for you to impersonate them. We'll worry about Skulduggery's skeleton problem later."

The skeleton grunted.

"And Valkyrie, all you need to do is wear makeup, nice clothes, and do your hair for once and no one will recognize you."

Valkyrie smiled back at Ghastly. "Hey you're right!" But then she thought about his comment for a second. "Hey!"

"So when do we start?" Skulduggery asked.

"Tomorrow." Erskine replied. "Oh, and there's one last thing we forgot to mention."

Skulduggery and Valkyrie waited expectantly. Erskine tugged at the collar of his robe, suddenly finding the offending fabric crushing his esophagus.

"Um…Grimm and Imelda McGrath are actually Mr. and Mrs. McGrath."

Silence overcame the room, and not the kind that comforted Valkyrie either.

"Which means…" Skulduggery began, and trailed off.

"Yup!" Ghastly exclaimed and raised his hand as if he were giving a blessing. "I now pronounce you smuggler and wife!"


	2. Bring Me to Life

**A/N: **(This a/n isn't going to be a book in and of itself like the last one I promise:) So, I'm a little bit behind schedule with the updates of the story, but that only means more updates sooner in my attempt to catch up! And thank you guys for the reviews/favs/follows. Honestly, ya'll bringin tears to ma eyes :')

* * *

"You know if anything, you should at least be feeling deeply gratified right now."

"Oh really? And why's that?"

"Because you're marrying a good-looking, smooth-talking, and incredibly lethal man."

Valkyrie rolled her eyes. "Was there someone like that in the room? I must've missed him."

"Your words cut deep. You know what I would give to marry someone like me?"

"I'm afraid to. And by the way I would like to point out your mistake just now; I believe you used the word 'man'?"

"Just because I'm a skeleton doesn't mean I'm not still oozing with testosterone. And besides, you've always had different tastes."

Valkyrie wasn't sure whether she was supposed to take that as a compliment or not.

The two detectives were currently walking down one of the many hallways of the Sanctuary. Their destination: Doctor Nye's lab. They were going to fix Skulduggery's 'skeleton problem' (as Ghastly had so observantly put it). Was Valkyrie nervous? Absolutely. She was afraid of what this monster planned on doing to her friend and she by no means trusted it, due to previous events that she would rather not recall…

"By the way I meant to ask you earlier: If the I.S.A is a group of a bunch of wanted criminals, then why label themselves so profoundly? I mean the 'International Smuggler's Association' sounds like something you can join at a Country Club. To me that sounds like a title that says 'Hey! I'm doing something illegal! Come get me!'"

Skulduggery chuckled at this. "I couldn't agree with you more. However I think it's a matter of reverse psychology."

Valkyrie arched a brow at this. "What do you mean?"

"Well, maybe they figured that if they named themselves something so painfully obvious the cops would overlook them because it was so apparent, as opposed to a secret code name that would take detectives such as ourselves merely hours, maybe minutes to decode. To tell you the truth I always thought the existence of the I.S.A was just a rumor up until now. So see how that works? Reverse psychology."

"Or they were just too stupid to realize that they needed to be a bit more discreet in what they were doing."

"Yeah, or that."

Skulduggery pushed open the double doors to Doctor Nye's office. Nye had apparently heard they were coming as it was standing there waiting for them.

"Aaah Detective! And Detective #2. So nice of you both to grace me with your presence." The sarcastic undertone in its words was quite evident as it smiled at the two of them.

The smile seemed just as painful for it to put on as it was for Skulduggery and Valkyrie to look at it.

Valkyrie scrunched her nose.

"Right this way." The Doctor said, stepping aside and gesturing for them to continue on in.

They walked into the actual operation room, a place where Skulduggery and Valkyrie were all too familiar with due to all of the injuries they had accumulated over time from their numerous battles.

"Lay down on the bed skeleton, and you," Nye turned its head in Valkyrie's direction. "Stay or leave, it's your choice. However, if you choose to remain then do not get in my way."

Valkyrie had to literally bite her lip to keep herself from saying something she would probably regret later. But as soon as Nye turned to exit the room to go get some tools needed for the operation, Valkyrie stuck her tongue out.

"Very mature, Detective Cain." Came Skulduggery's deep voice from where he lay on the bed.

Nye chose at that moment to re-enter the room with a tray of tools. Valkyrie sat down on the edge of the bed that was adjacent to Skulduggery's.

"Now, if you would be so kind as to remove your jacket and shirt, and anything else you're wearing on your torso." Nye said and Skulduggery did as he was told.

It wasn't too often that Valkyrie got to see Skulduggery without a shirt on, but when she did it was…interesting to say the least.

Sure she knew what a skeleton looked like; she recalled a model of such hanging in a biology class of hers. But there was a definite difference between the real deal and plastic, and the fact that one moved around and talked to you and the other hung on a hook for spectators to see. Plus there was something…personalized about Skulduggery's skeleton, the same way humans had their different facial features.

"Now lay back." Nye instructed and Valkyrie watched as it picked up what appeared to be a small chisel. It moved it towards the symbols on Skulduggery's collarbone, the ones China had previously printed on him that allowed him to activate a temporary façade.

"What are you doing?" Valkyrie bristled, suddenly overcome with a feeling of protectiveness.

"Adding onto these symbols." Nye replied. "Updating them, if you will. Now if you don't mind, mother hen."

Valkyrie bristled at his words but then hesitantly relaxed and continued to watch silently. With the chisel, Nye extended the line of one symbol here and added an extra swirl to another symbol there.

This "updating" went on for about another five minutes. It then moved the chisel towards Skulduggery's ribs and began adding new characters altogether.

"Does it hurt?" Valkyrie asked Skulduggery.

"Well, it's certainly not pleasant, but it's bearable." The strain in his voice led Valkyrie to believe otherwise.

Nye did the top two ribs and then set his tools down.

"Alright, you can put your clothes back on." Nye said as Skulduggery tugged on his white dress-shirt. "Now, there are obviously some things I need to tell you. First off, you're going to be sore for the rest of the night so don't even think about trying to activate the symbols. Second, these symbols allow you to have the same face every time you use it; it's more lifelike too so you won't look like a walking mannequin made of wax. And this façade will give you a full functioning body; it's not just a mask. You will feel hungry, you will have to use the restroom, if you neglect to take a shower you will smell, if you are out in the cold for too long you could get a sore throat and so on and so forth. Finally, due to the amount of magic put into the symbols you can only remain in the façade for 24 hours, though I recommend you not stay in it for that long for it would tire you out tremendously, if you exceed the limit the consequences could be…dire. There should be two hour rest periods _at the least_ between activations. Any questions?"

The two detectives were silent for once. Skulduggery was staring at his hand and Valkyrie was staring at Skulduggery.

"A _full functioning_ body, huh?" She heard him mumble in a voice that was barely audible as he wiggled his fingers.

Nye stood up abruptly. "Now I am very busy, so would you two be so kind as to …how you say…shove off?" It herded the couple out the doors of the operation room. "Good luck and good day." It proceeded to shut the door in their faces.

"Asshole." Valkyrie muttered, glaring at the double doors where the said hole of ass had just been.

She then noticed that the being to her left was being oddly quiet. She looked at Skulduggery. "You alright?" Worry edging into her tone. He was acting awfully funny.

The skeleton seemed to hesitate before he lifted his hand to rest it on his chest, ribs more specifically. "Yeah, I just…well Nye wasn't kidding when he said I'd be sore."

Valkyrie thought about this for a second and then grinned. "You poor dear, you are obviously in no condition to drive. Looks like I'll just have to drive the two of us back home."

Skulduggery looked at her, his head tilted in such a way that said he was not amused. "I am more prepared to let myself drive in the state I was in when you rescued me from the Faceless Ones than let you take the wheel."

"So it's a maybe."

"Absolutely not."

"Oh come on! I'm not that bad of a driver!"

"Said the bad driver."

"Ugh!"

* * *

"Come on! Just…open your mouth!"

"…"

"Here comes the train! Chu Chu! Open up the tunnel for the train!"

"…"

"Please! I'm begging you! Just eat the processed carrots!" Alice continued to stare blankly at her older sister as Skulduggery silently watched this all go down from his designated spot in the corner of the Valkyrie's kitchen.

After they arrived back from the sanctuary, Valkyrie had offered Skulduggery to come inside for a visit before he had to go back home which he kindly accepted. Truth be told, he was not all too familiar with the Edgely home, just Valkyrie's room. It was nice to walk around and explore the place which his partner inhabited, especially when one didn't have to worry about the said partner's parents walking in at any given moment and finding out one's skeletal secret. This aspect satisfied Skulduggery's nosier side quite nicely. Valkyrie always seemed to have the skeleton at a disadvantage by the fact that she knew his home like the back of her hand while he couldn't say the same thing about hers.

While in one particular part of the house, the living room he believed, Skulduggery discovered a series of pictures lined up on the mantle of a fire place. The first picture on the left was of a young couple standing on an altar, the man wore a black tux and the woman was dressed in a beautiful, long white gown and holding a bouquet of pink flowers in her hands. It was Valkyrie's parents on their wedding day. Skulduggery studied the wedded blissful smiling faces and could pick out the features that Valkyrie had inherited from each spouse.

The next picture was once again of Desmond and Melissa, albeit a tad older. They were in a hospital room and Desmond had his arm around Melissa who was lounging in bed holding an infant in her arms. Valkyrie. No that wasn't right, this wasn't Valkyrie, not yet. This was _Stephanie_.

"Stephanie…" Skulduggery whispered Valkyrie's given name with care, as if it were so fragile and if spoken any louder it would break. The name was so foreign to his tongue, but just the fact that he knew it and the power he had over her just by knowing it was so… intimate.

Continuing down the line of framed photographs, he found several pictures of a young Valkyrie in what appeared to be her elementary school years that could be a good source of blackmail. To this thought, the detective chuckled evilly. Valkyrie, who had been upstairs deactivating her reflection and tending to Alice, had apparently heard the malicious sound, questioned as to what it was. Skulduggery replied nonchalantly that it was nothing. The pictures continued all the way up to a picture of Mr. and Mrs. Edgely in a hospital room, this time accompanied by the Valkyrie Skulduggery knew all too well and the newborn baby Alice.

"If you don't eat you'll die of starvation and I'll be grounded for two weeks. Now, do you want me to be grounded?" Valkyrie's scolding tone cut into Skulduggery's thoughts.

"You're doing it wrong." He said simply with his arms crossed.

Valkyrie scoffed. "As if you could do any better?"

"As a matter of fact I bet you I could. You know I have successfully raised a daughter before, so if you would let me-"

"Absolutely not! You would scare her half to death, at least I know my one year old mind would be scared if a living skeleton tried to shove baby food down my throat."

"Fortunately for me Alice's mind is a bit more advanced than yours, now scooch." Skulduggery nudged Valkyrie out of the way with his hip and sat down in her seat. Valkyrie skeptically handed him the baby spoon and he loaded it up with… good Lord was this supposed to be food? No wonder society was going downhill nowadays if this is what people fed their children. Back in Skulduggery's day, he wouldn't have let his daughter anywhere near this stuff! All well, if this is what 21st century babies ate…

Skulduggery held the spoon in front of the baby's face and stared at her squarely.

"Eat." He commanded and offered the spoon to Alice. Much to Valkyrie's dismay – and deflation of ego – her little sister leaned forward and took a bite.

She knew her partner didn't need lips for her to tell that he was simply beaming with pride and smugness.

As Skulduggery continued to feed Alice, Valkyrie walked across the kitchen and into the living room where she flopped down onto the couch.

"Congratulations! You'll make a marvelous house wife!" She yelled. Like hell she was going to make this victory easy for him.

"What's that? I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I'm being!"

Damn.

The feeding continued on for another ten minutes or so and Valkyrie had found one of her father's 'Sports Illustrated' magazines and she busied herself with leafing through that. Pretty soon, Skulduggery made his way into the living room with baby Alice in tow. He handed Valkyrie her sister who in turn curled up against her shoulder as her eyes began to flutter closed.

"Looks like someone's tired." Valkyrie said softly, overcome by the cuteness of it all.

"I'd say. She ate like a…like a…" Valkyrie looked up quizzically as Skulduggery paused in his words. He sagged his head and brought his hand up to rest on his skull. "Like a…" He said once more before stumbling backwards and crashing onto the ground, out cold.

Valkyrie gave a series of glances between the sleeping Alice and the unconscious Skulduggery.

Oh no, she did _not_ sign up for this!


	3. Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

**A/N:** A special thanks to those who've followed this story, because Just Married has now reached ten followers! Thanks a million and keep 'em comin guys! On another note, I'm still trying to catch these chapters up :/ Also reviews are much appreciated and anticipated.

* * *

It was night and the skies were overcast with no moon to be seen, even the evening stars could not break through the cloudy barrier. And the silence…the silence was so loud it was _deafening._ What lay there patiently waiting in the dark? A predator perhaps, with the advantage of his prey's lack of vision and hearing on his side. The feeling of being watched was spine tingling and what was even worse was the fact of knowing one's defenseless state. Count breaths: _one…two…three..._ No time to feel relieved of each one taken, for the next could be the last. Oh, the possibilities one's mind could come up with when put into a life threatening situation. _There!_ A footstep sounded somewhere in the distance. A mere footstep was equivalent to an explosion with unfathomable results in utter silence. Another step sounded, and then another…and another. It was coming closer, about to make the revelation of what _it _was. What was it like compared to the minds mirages? Was it better? Was it_ worse_?

Skulduggery stared ahead at the vast expanse of darkness before him. He waited for his inevitable end to come any minute now when out of the obscurity stepped a woman. Her skin was fair like milk and honey, eyes a brilliant emerald green with tropical lime speckles in them. Her wild untamed locks cascaded down her back like a blazing fire. And her lips contained the color of the lightest, sweetest pink that there ever was.

She halted in front of Skulduggery and lifted her hand to rest on his cheekbone. His jaw was agape in stunned silence.

"Lydia?" His voice crackled, hoarse from un-use. Staring into her green orbs, he felt like he could break down at any moment. Her mere presence brought out an unhinged melancholy from deep within him. But how could it not? After all he knew this woman. By God he _knew _this woman. He had watched her smile when he first met her, heard her laugh in good nature when he tried to woo her. He had memorized the entranced and dazzled look in her eyes when he had opened up his heart to her. His fingers would still tingle when he would remember the way her slick skin felt when they made love.

And he remembered the pain he felt as he watched this woman be slain right before his very eyes. The terror that was smeared on her face, the echoes of her desperate screams of pain and pleading, it was all engraved in his memory, never to be removed nor forgotten.

Yes, he knew this woman and how could he not? She had been, after all, his wife.

When he spoke her name, Lydia closed her eyes softly as if relishing the sound.

He tried to say her name again but found that he couldn't, the word catching in his throat.

"Shh." She hushed as she smoothed her hand on the side of his face in a caressing manner. "Never let me go." She requested as she opened her eyes, big and watery like they held the moon within them.

_Let you go? I could never! I will never!_ Skulduggery's mind screamed, still unable to voice his words.

"Please…" She begged as her image began to grow hazy.

"Lydia!" Skulduggery's voice cracked as he lunged forward –

- And fell onto the floor.

Skulduggery laid on the carpeted ground for a few seconds. Light coming through a window was shining brightly into his eyes. He groaned before lifting himself up and leaning onto his forearms. After a few more seconds, he stood up and cracked his neck back and forth.

_What was I doing?_ He thought to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose trying to think of the last thing he could remember.

_I was feeding Alice…and Valkyrie was – Valkyrie! This must be her home_ Skulduggery took in his surroundings as he recalled the self-tour he had given himself of her house earlier, however he did not remember ever seeing this room.

It was a bright room with the walls painted a light yellow, a white carpet, and all of the shades were pulled up so that a natural light could shine through and illuminate the area. There was a TV, and dressers, and a king sized bed with the covers slightly ruffled on the left side. That must've been his doing. This had to be Valkyrie's parents' room!

Then suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, Skulduggery caught a man coming into the room. He had to do something before he was seen! Without getting a chance to get a good look at the man, Skulduggery dove to hide behind the side of one of the room's dressers. What was Valkyrie's parents doing home already!? She had said they wouldn't be coming home for about a week! Had he really been asleep that long?

Skulduggery waited for the sound of footsteps that were coming into the room but he heard nothing. It was silent. Wait a second, it all made sense now! This wasn't Valkyrie's parents unexpectedly coming home early from their vacation, nor was it the sign that Skulduggery had been in a week-long coma. It was a burglar! Yes, that must be it. This man had probably been staking out Valkyrie's house for quite some time now, and when he noticed the absence of her parents he decided now he was going to make his dastardly move. Oh ho ho but little did this poor fiend know that the teenage girl had a protector around! It was Skulduggery to the rescue!

"Freeze in the name of justice!" He heroically shouted the cheesy line as he burst from his hiding place. With one hand cocked on his hip and the other held out pointing dangerously in front of him, he stared down his competitor threateningly.

But to his surprise, he did not find a man cowering in fear like his mind said he would. Instead he found a man standing across the room mimicking Skulduggery's position, remaining absolutely still.

Skulduggery remained there, puzzled, for a few moments before shouting, "Hands in the air!"

The man mouthed the words right along with Skulduggery.

_What the hell…?_

The detective relaxed his position, with the unknown man copying, and stood there.

The two stared each other down before Skulduggery slowly raised his left hand. The man raised his right one in perfect sync.

"What is going on here…?" Skulduggery bewilderedly ran his hand through his hair.

…

…

Through his hair.

…

…

_HAIR!?_

He quickly lifted up his hand to find a tan epidermis covering it. This wasn't that waxy stuff that just laid on top of his bones whenever he activated China's façade. This was real, actual _skin_. He could feel blood coursing through his veins.

Skulduggery looked up to find the man looking just as dumbfounded as he was, and then the two ran towards each other before Skulduggery smacked into something solid. He held his head in pain – surprisingly things hurt a lot worse when you weren't just bones and you actually had nerves – and peeked through his fingers.

This…this was a _mirror_. The unknown man was him!

Skulduggery then heard a voice inside his head that strangely resembled Valkyrie's: _Gee, for a detective this sure took you _–

Shutting up!

The detective sat on the floor in a stunned, breathless silence. This was _so_ different from the façade he used to use. He could feel the innards of his body, the intense aching of where he hit his head, and he just felt _alive_! He was so excited that he was…thumping! My God he was thumping! Was that natural?

Skulduggery placed a hand on his chest that was the source of the thumps that vibrated through his body. It was his heart. Wow, he hadn't had a heart in ages. The feeling was just so foreign.

Skulduggery then looked in the mirror and studied the face that he saw.

It wasn't his face, no it wasn't the one he originally had, but it was good-looking nonetheless.

The face he saw was lightly tanned, with a light five o'clock that gave him a sort of rugged look. His dark brown chestnut colored hair was short and scruffy. He had a very strong jawline and high cheekbones and his eyes were this piercing green.

Skulduggery then began to smile – which he noticed was a little lopsided with one side lifting higher than the other, all the more adding to his facial charm. It was as if it were an ever-present smirk, oh yeah this face was made for him. _Not bad_ He thought. _Not bad at all_.

* * *

When Valkyrie heard the thump she was in the middle of making breakfast. She had just scrambled the eggs and was in the process of laying down bacon strips in a sizzling pan when a ruckus shook the roof above her head.

"Looks like somebody's awake." She cast a bemused glance at Alice, who sat in her high chair finishing off the mashed peas.

The kitchen was right below her parents' room, where Valkyrie had drug Skulduggery to the night before. The girl had thought he would've been light to drag along, considering he was literally just an ensemble of bones, but surprisingly not. Getting him up the stairs had been quite the fiasco – skull ramming into the wall here, foot getting caught on a stair there – and if Skulduggery were to wake up saying he felt sore then Valkyrie would just twiddle her thumbs innocently and stand by his side with ice pack held out graciously like the amazing friend she was. After all, what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

…Well, wouldn't hurt _her _anyway if he never found out about the lack of delicacy she treated him with.

Valkyrie had just finished dishing out the breakfast food onto two plates and placing them on a tray when more bumps and crashes sounded from above. The teenager sighed before picking up the tray.

"Well I'd better get up there before he brings the whole house down on our heads." She said with rolled eyes. "I won't be long." She said to her little sister, pinching her cheek lightly and playfully. The baby gurgled happily in response.

Valkyrie slowly made her way up the stairs, balancing the tray on her two hands with care. When she reached the door to her parents' bedroom, she nudged it open carefully with her hip and entered. But in the room waiting for her was not a slumbering skeleton nor a live one, in fact there was no one in the room at all.

Valkyrie set the tray down on one of the dressers and assessed the vacant room with a puzzled expression. _Where'd he go?_

And that's when she heard it. There was a low rumble of the '_ssshhh_' sound of running water coming behind a closed door, the one that led to the bedroom's conjoined bathroom. Valkyrie hesitantly made her way over to the shut door and reached out to grab the knob. Just then, the water abruptly shut off and Valkyrie opted for pressing her ear to the door instead. There was the muffled sound of the shower door sliding open and the sound of someone stepping out. There was a slight _pitter-patter_ noise of feet stepping onto the tiled floor and then the bathroom door suddenly burst open.

Valkyrie let out a surprised yelp and jumped back to avoid being rammed by the door.

"Valkyrie!" The man before her exclaimed with open arms. The said girl took in the scene before her with bewilderedly open eyes. This man…_sounded_ like Skulduggery, he carried himself like Skulduggery…but it wasn't Skulduggery! Well, it was him but not the skeleton him, this Skulduggery was human. In…_every_ sense of the word…

"My God Skulduggery put some clothes on! You're not a skeleton anymore!" Valkyrie grabbed the throw blanket that was folded up on the end of her parents' bed and threw it at him.

Skulduggery caught the blanket with ease and gave her a puzzled look. "Oh, right!" He said, realization hitting him. He wrapped the blanket around his waist and made his way over to Valkyrie.

"Can you believe that showers feel so much better when the water runs off you instead of through you?" He said, excitement shining in his bright green eyes.

"Eh…so I've been told." Valkyrie replied, smiling uneasily.

Skulduggery then sniffed the air and looked over to where the breakfast that Valkyrie had prepared for the two of them still sat on the dresser.

"Food?" He questioned.

"Breakfast." She specified. "I thought you might enjoy some bacon and eggs for you first meal in oh…four hundred years."

He smiled gratefully before eagerly walking over to the tray. When he moved away, Valkyrie relaxed her rigid defensive stance and followed his movements with her eyes curiously. She raised a hand to cup her cheek and was surprised to find it warm. She didn't know why she was acting like this, hadn't China's façade been the exact same thing, albeit a different face and a little waxy looking? _No_, she realized, it was somehow something completely different. Like Nye said this wasn't just a mask this was a real functioning human body. But dammit why did he have to make him so good-looking!?

Valkyrie moved into the bathroom and began to gather up Skulduggery's clothes for him. She picked up shoes, socks, pants, belt, shirt, tie, jacket, and a hat…but it seemed like an essential item of clothing was missing from the mix…

"Hey Skulduggery? You know you're going to have to start wearing underwear right?" Valkyrie laughed from her spot in the bathroom. She stood up, clothes piled in arms, and made her way back into the bedroom.

"I mean I understand if-" Valkyrie cut herself off in mid-sentence with a yelp, dropped the clothes and turned around with her hands covering her eyes and her face burning.

"What is it?" Skulduggery asked innocently from where he stood at the dresser eating off of the tray. He turned to look at his partner curiously, not realizing the blanket had slipped off.

* * *

_Grumble_

"What the heck was that?" The once again skeleton asked amusedly. He had changed back to his original form because they were leaving for the mission today and Skulduggery wanted to save some of his energy for the transformation for when they arrived at the convention. The two detectives were now in the Bentley headed over to Roarhaven for final instructions.

"My stomach. As you know I didn't get to eat my deliciously prepared breakfast this morning because _somebody _ate their share as well as mine!" Valkyrie said crossly, with her arms folded across her chest.

"In my defense, and for the record, I haven't eaten anything in over a century. While you on the other hand haven't eaten anything since…oh, 7:00 last night."

"Hm, I thought you've been looking rather skinny lately." Valkyrie mumbled.

Skulduggery snorted in an attempt to hold back his laughter which caused Valkyrie to grin at him and pretty soon the two were cracking up as the pulled up to the Sanctuary.

Ghastly was waiting for them on the front steps and watched as Skulduggery's car pulled up. Valkyrie quickly got out and hurried over to him with a bag slung over her shoulder.

"Hey Ghastly, do you mind if I go inside for a few? I have some last minute things to take care of." She said hurriedly, already inching her way towards the door.

"Not at all, we'll be out here when you're done." The Elder replied, watching curiously as Valkyrie quickly went inside. He turned around and saw Skulduggery walking towards him at a more leisurely pace.

"You know what that was about?" Ghastly nudged his head towards the door Valkyrie had just gone through.

"Not a clue." Skulduggery shook his skull.

"So uh…how did the whole human thing turn out? Did you get a chance to try it yet?" Ghastly began to walk down the stairs, Skulduggery falling not far behind.

"Yeah, I woke up with it activated. It was so odd. I could feel everything that was inside me, all my organs piled up tightly, the constant pounding of my heart, and the blood that burned through my veins as it travelled all around."

The Elder looked at his long term friend sympathetically. "Sounds like it must've been very painful for you…"

"Actually it tickled more than anything."

"Oh." Ghastly fought the urge to smack his own forehead.

"So where are you taking me exactly?" Skulduggery looked around, not familiar with these grounds of Roarhaven.

"The Junkyard, there are a lot of old cars here that we've been fixing up."

"Junk…yard? How long have you guys had this?"

"Oh, since we switched to this location. Now, there are three cars we've refurbished that you can have your pick of for this mission." Ghastly walked through the Junkyard's iron gates and went over to three cars that sat in a row. Though the models were obviously ancient, they shone as if brand new and looked horridly out of place surrounded by the sky-high piles of junk.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa what's wrong with my car?" Skulduggery said defensively, feeling his right to defend his beloved being put on the line.

"Skulduggery please, there are less than 900 models of your car made in the world and quite frankly she is quite infamous for being associated with you around these parts. This is a stealth mission you know now come on, don't be silly choose a car."

"But what will you do with her while I'm gone?"

"We'll take good care of your car Skulduggery, I promise."

"You'll be taking her for joy rides!"

"I will not! You're acting like a child, now choose a car!"

Skulduggery reluctantly looked over at his selections. The first car on the left was a red 1970 Pontiac Firebird. The one in the middle was a green 1964 Porsche 911. And the last one on the right was a blue 2006 Kia Sedona. Skulduggery wasn't even going to bother asking about that last one.

"Uhhh… the firebird I guess."

"Great, the keys are in the ignition. Drive her around and I'll meet you up front."

Skulduggery did as he was told and pretty soon Ghastly and him were back at the front of the Sanctuary moving Skulduggery's and Valkyrie's bags from the Bentley and into the Firebird. When they finished up, Skulduggery bit his knuckle to keep from whimpering as he watched Ghastly drive the Bentley to the back for safe keeping.

"You okay?" He heard Valkyrie's voice come from beside him.

"Just peachy…" He said sarcastically, taking a glance at Valkyrie and then doing a double-take.

The girl who he had thought was his partner was a girl with bright, fiery red hair that was done in tight spiral curls that reached down just past her shoulders. The girl's smoky eye-makeup, red lips, and blushed cheeks gave her a very sophisticated look.

"Valkyrie?" Skulduggery asked bewilderedly.

"The one and only." She beamed, grinning in such a way that only Skulduggery's partner could. Why if he didn't know any better, he'd say she looked just like…

"Despite what Ghastly had said, I wanted to take some extra measures to make sure I wasn't recognized. The hair's not that bad, right?" Valkyrie tugged on a lock self-consciously.

"N-" Skulduggery was finding it hard to form words for some reason. "You look fine." He said quickly before turning away. Valkyrie arched a confused brow.

"Whoa, is that Valkyrie?" Ghastly said as he walked up. "I mean, I always knew you were a looker before Val but dang! Skulduggery you better watch this one, make sure she doesn't get snatched up by the men there, especially when you'll be in a lodge full of professional smugglers." The Elder elbowed his friend and winked at Valkyrie good-naturedly.

"Can we just get going now?" Skulduggery sighed.

"Wait, wait! I have something for you two!" The detectives watched curiously as Ghastly reached into his pocket and pulled out three gold rings. Two of them were matching wedding bands and the third was a gold princess cut engagement ring.

"Oh Ghastly, these are gorgeous!" Valkyrie marveled as she took a wedding band and the engagement ring.

"I just swiped them off of Imelda and Grimm, which by the way are your guy's new names don't forget."

"Stealing from stealers, how fit." Skulduggery muttered as he took his matching band.

"Alright, now I don't want to keep you lovebirds!" Ghastly pushed the two towards their temporary car and waved them off as they drove away. He was still standing there chuckling to himself when Elder Erskine joined him out on the steps.

"What are you laughing about?" Erskine questioned.

"Oh nothing, nothing. Just an inside joke." Ghastly snickered.

The scarred man was pleasantly surprised when neither Skulduggery nor Valkyrie had noticed the piece of paper that had been taped to the license plate by yours truly that read: "Just Married."


End file.
